So here is the final chapter of this blog and Aaron's life and how God continues to show his faithfulness. Looking back, it is so obvious. How can I ever doubt His love or his goodness!
On June 7th Aaron flew to Maryland to enroll in the clinical trial. The doctors are now saying that the tumors in his lungs are just too numerous for surgery to be a viable option. Hearing this news was the determining factor for Aaron to sign up for the trial. At some point all these tumors in his lungs were going to get big enough to cause problems. Our hope was that the drugs would shrink the tumors and extend his life. It was not a cure.
It just so happens that Chris, our oldest son, and his wife Mandy live in Maryland, about 45 minutes from the National Institute of Health in Bethesda. We didn't think that it was just coincidence that their jobs had taken them there. Aaron would have a place to stay with them when he went for monthly treatments and the support of family while he was there. What a blessing for these two brothers to have this trip to spend time together. We didn't know what was ahead, but God knew. We stayed in Chris and Mandy's home and hung out with them. After taking care of the trial enrollment, Chris took us on a tour of the capital and a tour of Washington, D.C. It was a great time that Aaron thoroughly enjoyed. He took lots of pictures and enjoyed hanging out with Chris and Mandy. Looking back, I believe God was much more concerned with building relationships than the logistics of the clinical trial. God knew it would be important to Chris and Mandy.
Just a couple of weeks later, Aaron had another highlight. His childhood friend since kindergarten was getting married and Aaron made the trip to Pagosa Springs, CO to be in the wedding. He flew in to Albuquerque and then drove to Pagosa Springs. All he could talk about was how beautiful the drive was, taking pictures all along the way. And then there was the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, and hanging out with his longtime friend and this wonderful family where he had hung out in their home for so many years and shared so many memories before moving to California. He had SO. MUCH. FUN! I am so very grateful that Aaron and his friend, James, had this opportunity to reunite and share in the blessing of James' marriage. I can't help but believe once again that God knew what was ahead, and once again, he was blessing these two young men with precious time together. God knew it would be important to James.
So what was ahead? On June 29th Aaron collapsed at home and his left side went numb. He just happened to be off work that day and I just happened to be home. Our first thought and fear was that it was a side effect from the drugs that he had now been on for about three weeks. Turns out, it was not. I count it as a huge blessing that there were no side effects. That would have ruined the trip to the wedding and prohibited traveling. Do you think God knew? I do. I think it was God's fingerprint on the keyboard of Aaron's life.
The paramedics took him to the nearest neighborhood hospital. While in the ER they did a brain scan and discovered a huge tumor on the brain pressing against the center brain stem which was causing the stroke like symptoms. I knew it was bad because they told me to call all the family and then they proceeded to care flight him to Palomar Medical Center. They put a tube down to keep his airway open because he was deteriorating quickly and that was the last time he was conscious or that I got to speak to him. I will spare all the medical details of the following days but want to instead list all the things that Rick and I are so grateful for that showed us God's goodness and faithfulness.
We are grateful that Aaron was care flighted to Palomar Medical Center. I thanked God every day for the caring staff on the critical care unit and how they let our family visit freely and without restriction in Aaron's last days.
We are grateful for the chaplain and the Christian critical care doctor who gave us counsel on hard decisions.
We are tremendously grateful for our church family who continually prayed for Aaron and our family.
We are grateful for all who came to visit us in the hospital to lend support and brought hospital snacks.
We are grateful for all who came to visit us in the hospital to lend support and brought hospital snacks.
We are grateful that Aaron lived his battle symptom free until these final few days.
We are grateful for the time he had with Chris and Mandy and the wonderful trip that came out of it.
We are grateful for the wonderful celebration of his friend's wedding.
We are grateful that he didn't collapse and go numb while he was driving, or at work, or on the airplane or at the wedding.
We are grateful that his grandparents and his brother were able to be at his bedside with us in those final hours and for extended family & friends who rearranged life to be here for the service.
We are grateful for Kristina, Aaron's girlfriend of just a few months, who gave him hope in the last few months and no doubt, much happiness.
We are grateful that we got to meet her at the hospital for the first time and for her commitment to be by his side until the very end.
We are grateful for the staff of the Elizabeth Hospice Center who showed such compassion and care.
We are grateful for our church homegroup that continues to be there for us.
We are grateful for all the people who so lovingly helped with the memorial service. Your love for us was evident in every detail.
We are grateful for all the flowers that made Aaron's service so beautiful and for the wonderful ladies who shared the flowers with area nursing homes to extend the blessing to others.
We are grateful for all the donations to fund future cancer research for rare sarcomas.
We are grateful for all the texts and cards that expressed such love.
We are grateful for all the meals that helped us through those first difficult few weeks.
We are grateful for a strong biblical foundation, roots that go deep that kept us from questioning God's goodness.
And we are eternally grateful for all you prayer warriors!
On July 7th, just eight days after he collapsed, Aaron went to his eternal home that had already been prepared for him. Our loss is deep and hard. It has caused us to reflect on the truths of God's word and apply them in a very real way.
These things, however, we are confident of:
WHY DID THIS HAPPEN? God is all loving and all good. There is no evil in him. He created a perfect world and it was his desire that we live in it with him. But we asked for free will. We wanted to do things our way. So God said ok. But because of that decision so long ago, our sin separated us from him and along with that came pain and suffering, tears and death. Aaron's disease comes from the fact that we live in a fallen world as a result of our own choices, not anything that God ever desired for us. He hates it as much as we do.
WHERE IS GOD IN ALL OF THIS? God promised that even though we chose our own way, he would provide a way out for us through belief in his son, Jesus. And then he promised that if we believe, he would give us his holy spirit to live in us and be with us every step of the way. So because I believe, and Rick believes, and Aaron believed, and Chris and Mandy believe, and Aaron's grandparents believe, God was right there in that room with each of us. He was right there grieving along with us because of the terrible choice that brought sin and suffering upon us. He hated seeing Aaron in this battle of disease more than any of us because he loved Aaron more than we possibly ever could. He is with Aaron right now. He is with Rick and I right now helping us get through this loss.
DID GOD ANSWER OUR PRAYERS FOR AARON? Yes! He conquered death and promised the same to all who believe. Rising from the dead was the ultimate miracle that He performed and he promised it to ALL who believe. Did you get that? ALL! He does not say you get this miracle, and you do not. He offers it to ALL. He does not say some will be healed and others not. Eternal life is offered to ALL. Thinking otherwise would mean that Aaron would only receive temporary healing, experiencing more pain and suffering on this earth only to delay his death until another point in time. Aaron received the ultimate healing because his choice was to choose Jesus.
SO WHY ARE WE STILL SO SAD? For one, we miss Aaron terribly. But as a dear pastor reminded me, pain and tears are part of this fallen world. Jesus promises an eternal life where there is no more pain or suffering and all our tears will be wiped away.
